.. This wee Pixie's cup continues to overflow ...

** Pic utilised for illustrative purposes only

So the wee Tink and I are walking through one of our local malls this morning. At the age of 5 I s'pose she possesses a sense of curiosity considered normal for her age range. The following questions amongst the myriad of others which she shoots off at her wee Pixie-mum, are the two I remember most clearly:

Tink: Mummy, why are there so few acorns in the decorations. I only see them once in every isle?
Pixie-mum: I'm not sure, luv - perhaps it is so we that are actually able to notice them when we see them. If they had been strung up all over the place we might find them too ordinary and completely overlook them ....

Tink: Mummy, How did the store get those balls and stars and trimmings so high against the roof?
Pixie-mum: I'm not sure, luv - Actually, I have NO idea, sweetheart. (my reason for not fabricating a story should become obvious momentarily)
Tink:  You know Mummy - Actually, I think that they must have just used a ladder.

I indulge the wee Tink's fantasy and make-believe and am quite pleased that she is anamored with, among other things, The Tooth Fairy, The Easter Bunny and Santa Clause. 

She, pleasantly, surprises me every then-n-then, though. E.g. A week ago she was doing something which compelled me to ensure that she knows that certain things are not real - she responded with a very casual and too cutely mature: "I know, Mummy, I was just pretending ... "

We are surrounded by so much  r e a l i t y   that I remain a firm believer that children MUST hold on to their innocence for as long as it is possible and practical. AND we MUST do everything in our power to nurture that innocence.


xx

Is *she not the most beautiful?

A glorious and wondrously beautiful day at the southern-most tip of Africa ... Our higher-powers are boasting their majesty, it seems

Water masses and skies are bluer than blue ... and, aye, the grass and trees luschiously green ...

Tis my *Tink's 5th birthday today and, verily, this wee Pixie-mum's cup runneth over.

The wee Tink's day starts out with celebrating her birthday with her pre-school fwends; Followed by a Tea Party for her and the girl cousins at Gramma's house; And ends with a swim and supper at Pixie mum's favourit-est beach in all of PixieLand!

Did this Pixie-mum mention that the wee Tink is every bit as artistic. I witness her life and talent in awesome wonder.(insert GOOD sigh)

Unofficial collaboration #002 - Anais Nin

"I choose a man who has the courage to treat me like a woman."

"I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who c o m p e l s my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naïve or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman."

~ Anais Nin

Unofficial collaboration #001 - Anais Nin

"I do not want words, but inarticulate cries, meaningless, from the bottom of my most primitive being, that flow from my belly like honey.

A piercing joy, that leaves me empty, conquered, silenced."

~Anais Nin

Another day to run

Strange ... though I am through the tunnel (spoken about in Too Strong for too long) when being honest with myself then I have to acknowledge that, lately, I've been having a spot of difficulty moving. Let alone moving forward. I thought I had been (sharing positivity & understanding through my experiences) but, really, I have not.

And if I have to brutally honest with myself then I would, also, have acknowledge that it's not just been lately - I believe I may have been using this comfort zone as a wee bit of semi- permanently sheltered hide-out.

I realized (insert wistful sigh) this after reading the reponses to Too Strong for too long& ROAR !!!, as well as while listening to a friend 'sharing' his story with me.

I have always believed, sincerely, that love (in its many, may shapes & sizes) is the cure to all that ails. And when I say 'love' then I'm not, necessarily, referring to butterfly flutters of romantic love, only ... I'm also referring to truly discovering the meaning of certain types of relationships. E.g.
- Mother/Father to child;
- grandparents/children;
- forming attachments (to older folk/orphans/street kids) possibly out of empathy/sympathy/ or 'a deep hole existing in your heart that you're just trying to fill' ;
- BFFs;
- husbands/wives;
- the modern-day partnerships (when folk call themselves 'attached' )
- momentary, or opportune, chemistry-induced connections; and finally
- 'finding the one' (I kept this separate because I've seen that, sadly, this rare find is NOT, necessarily, exclusive to the institution of marriage)

... Since 'inking' the last ' ) ' above ... I've mentally digressed.  And though I know I needed to give an out to 'all of this' I am not certain where, exactly I'm headed with it. Apologies - I'll return to finish the post once I've managed to clear my head ... 

Right now, all I know is that I don't want today to be just 'another day to run'.

.Tri

decisions, Decisions, DECISIONS!

Most of us dither now and again, but there comes a time when indecision: 
in PERSONAL SCENARIOS brings on (often unnecessary and/or self-inflicted) anxiety & heartache, 
in PROFESSIONAL SCENARIOS brings about its own delays which may result in panic all-round & also possibly (unnecessary) additional costs (not necessarily monetary, but user/customer confidence, etcetera ... which is often considered worse)

A few years ago I was working in IT as business analyst for the in-house data warehouse (the be-all and end-all destination of all systems in the organisation) and said related systems. The advice (from the senior project manager) which enabled myself and the techies to make crisis calls faster and with far greater confidence was this:

If there is a crisis OF ANY KIND then, at the time, all you can do is:

• List the knowns, 
• List the unknowns, 
• and then make the best decision you can. AND
• IF there are exceptions that follow said decision then you simply manage those exceptions.

The worst thing to have happen when most EVERYONE is panicking is inability to make a decision.

In most (personal) cases it may not really matter what you decide. There are almost always endless options that would probably serve you equally well, and all or any of of them is likely better than no decision at all.

This little recount of how my (professional) decision-making skills were enabled and empowered follows a rather funny incident today. (oh, ok ... perhaps not so funny to the folk involved) 
I was a little amused by reactions and, at times, lack of action today which turned a relatively simple 'crisis' into an over-extended FIRE-BREATHING DRAGON !!! 

The most interesting thing for me, back then, was when I noticed that I was applying this line of thinking to my personal life as well. It almost immediately changed the way I managed a crisis and, often, I ended up the one leading the charge. (not always beneficial on the romance-front, though ... not sure that most men like it or know what to do with a capable, level-headed woman)


.Tri

ROAR !!!

Flitted about the BlogLands over the weekend ... but it was so brief - didn't have the time, or inclination to cast anything in stone, though.

It is said that people who exhibit the most kindness have likely experienced a lot of pain;
The ones who act like they don't need love, likely needs it most;
The ones who take care of everyone else's needs are likely the ones who need being taking care of, most;
And the people who smile a lot are the ones who cry when there is no-one around.

Laugh with me, Cry with me; R O A R with me (whenever I make use of this word I think "Pink" - Just love the song) - Sometimes we just need a hug. A hug where someone wraps their arms around you so tight and reminds you that everything will be okay.


I received one of those hugs tonight. I didn't think that I need one but it really did feel good. The kisses that followed wasn't bad, either. 

I am ...

Calm seas never made for a skilled sailor

"A calm sea never made for a skilled sailor" —  Franklin D. Roosevelt. (also o f t e n quoted by Anthony D Hall, co-founder of SAFE AND SOBER LIVING FARM, and Recovering Addicts Empowering Lives - RAEL.)

"A sailor is an artist whose medium is the wind. Live passionately, even if it kills you, because something is going to kill you anyway." — Webb Chiles, Sailor

"The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails." — William Arthur Ward, Writer

"The fishermen know that the sea is dangerous and the storm terrible, but they have never found these dangers sufficient reason for remaining ashore." — Vincent Van Gogh, Painter

"Until you have the courage to lose sight of the shore, you will not know the terror of being forever lost at sea." — Charles Cook

"Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than those you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from safe harbour. Catch the wind in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." — Mark Twain, Great American Writer

"It is not the ship so much as the skillfull sailing that assures the prosperous voyage." — George William Curtis, Writer

What this all, In a nutshell, means is that people, most often, learn the lessons of life BEST through hardship and when concerted efforts are required.

.Tri

Juse ONE great year

Was flitting through Blogland on my way here when I happened upon daytimer09's latest blogpost ... I then got some stuff into my head that MUST o u t before I'll be able to do what I actually logged on for.

At the end of daytimer09's Gym Intimidation and Special Power Wish post he asks "What super-power would you like to have?" (He is referring to non-super/bat- /man or woman, Mr Fantastic, etcetera, and I'm using my creative license and putting just a tiny-wee spin on it)

MY SUPER-POWER WOULD BE to sprinkle positivity back into folks thinking / view on life. For me there is very little that is m o r e painful than listening to someone bitch and moan about things (going wrong in their lives, getting them down ... etcetera ) that are well within their or sphere of control to fix. (be it being at the wrong end of a bad relationship / being mis-used or feeling stepped-on / I-hate-my-job ... w h a t - ever, it may be )

Negative thinking does not/should not really require some kind of magical intervention - all we need / need to do, to mention but a few, is: 

a realisation of who we are (and who we do not want to be

a realisation of where we are in our lives (and where we don't want to be or end up

knowing our worth and what we deserve (and what we don't)

knowing what we will and will not tolerate

the realisation that what we think, we become'

IF steps 1 through 5 are followed by minor changes in our thought pattern and outlook

and a constructive a plan is drawn up (listing steps/things we need to do in order to eventually get there! ) - then DIOS MIO, we WILL all get there!!!

...A wee bit o' fairy dust would be sooo very useful in E X T R E M E cases, though 

At the moment my fairy dust is my positivity, can-do attitude & outlook and leading (and as living) by example. The rub-off has yielded rather fair results and the hit/miss ratio is > than 50%. Still ...

You know how it is said that N O T H I N G we do is ever completely selfless ? ... Well, in this case, I want to know what it feels like to have just ONE GOOD YEAR when others' negativity does not get me down on that ONE day of the year when I just need to 'be' and possibly I need someone else's positivity to pull me through. Is it selfish to feel the way I do ?

... Between the two of us

"Wherever you are, and no matter what's going on in your life, when it's the first night of the full moon, I want you to find it in the night time sky. I want you to think about me and the time we shared, because wherever I am, no matter what's going on in my life, that's exactly what I'll be doing. If we can't be together, at least we can share that, and maybe between the two of us, we can make this last forever"  -- MOVIE: Dear John

"Do not swear by the moon, for she constantly changes - so too, then, would your love" -- Shakespeare: Romeo & Juliet

“The moon is a loyal companion.
It never leaves. It’s always there, watching, steadfast, knowing us in our light and dark moments, changing forever just as we do. Every day it’s a different version of itself. Sometimes weak and wan, sometimes strong and full of light. The moon understands what it means to be human. Uncertain. Alone. C r a t e r e d by imperfections.” -- MOVIE: Shatter me (Ta-he-reh Mafi)

Eh (or sigh .. not sure which) ... I am still a romantic ... If this were going to change, then the darkness and loss of the past would have changed it by now. 


.Tri

Too strong for too long?

I met a man named John during the latter part of 2006

This man named John loved me so much that he broke through every every defense mechanism; every rigid and lofty wall; and a very broad, dark moat  which surrounded a castle known as my heart.  ... In retrospect it wasn't the greatest mission - actually quite easy, I would say, because I didn't even see it coming!

I loved this man named John - and he called me his Princessa














This man named John intended a future which included him and me ... and me and him

This man named John had me joining him in dreams about children which would be borne from me ... and him.  Dreams of dancing in the rain; Dreams of coming home from work to take me into his arms as though he would NEVER let me go

Before this man name John I did not indulge talks of this nature, with any man. EVER !!

This man John had me looking forward to the future; watching every sunset & loving every sunrise ... a bright future as he saw it - instead of cowering away from any liaison which could possibly turn into an affair of the heart

This man named John had lit me up; Set my world ablaze; He had lightened my heart and it found itself smiling, often.

This man named John was taken from me - He succumbed to a brain annuerism while on a business trip, at the too-young age of 32.  He did not keep his promise of the usual 9.00 PM telephone call when he was supposed to have been back home after the usually lengthy train journey.  Instead I was awoken with a 5 am notice.

The love and loss I felt for this man named John had split by heart right down the middle - much like is done to a cool watermelon in the heart of Summer.  Prior to this, THIS heart had never even been dented;  never been tarnished with even a scratch.  Perfectly preserved, it was.   

I was so lost; I felt so completely lost; and bereft, inconsolable; and UTTERLY devastated!  There were times when I wanted to join this man named John;  times when it would have been quite easy to do so - but I couldn't.  it went against every belief I had.  And ALL the while it felt my heart would never, EVER be whole again.

What followed was a two grey years of disbelief; and tears; and grieving; and rationalization; and bargaining with God; even blaming and scolding with John and God.

There have been only a few moments/occasions which led to completely unexpected memory flashes which have caught me completely off guard.

Tonight ... tonight is such a time.


Almost anything can trigger a memory of a departed loved one.  And sometimes there is just no way to prepare for this unexpected dip, another wave of grief, another turret of tears.  The littlest things can prompt it, even years later. It turns out, we are not merely frail and mortal, we are also infinitely sensitive to the metamorphosis of loss, long after the dearly departed loved ones are in the ground.

So what does grief for a dead fiance look like over 7 years  later? Well I tell people it’s rather like having your arm, the one you write with, amputated. In the year after the amputation the initial shock and pain goes away, and the spot where your arm once was heals up. But every single day when you wake up, you know something essential is missing, and he is not coming back; no one last smile; no wit to challenge me with; no gentle brush of his hand over my face to dry my tears.  

What I look forward to now is not so much the next chapter - I feel that God has already blessed me with something so precious.  Something that so many folk go through ALL of their life, but never get to experience - The truest form of (non-maternal) love. 

What I look forward to is embracing John, again, telling him how much I loved him; and miss him; how much he changed me - for the better.  And how thankful I am to him for this gift - The gift of what it means to TRULY love someone - Happy or sad, It is what life is ALL about ... An experience of a life time.


.Tri

Would you have loved Math if you could apply it to things that mattered to you?

I say "HELL YEAH".  (Admittedly, perhaps a tad cynical, though)

At first I'm not sure whether it's Math or Common Sense who's the hero here.  But I'm inclined to go with Math since, debatably,  the understanding of Mathematical reasoning cultivates and shapes our Common Sense.

Consider then that Math, simplistically states that X * Y = XY, yes?   I solve the equation by linking it to, e.g. the following scenario:

SET X = (                 SET "Girl likes Boy long time."    = + 1 
                               SET "Boy doesn't call Girl, ever"  = - 1
             )

SET Y = (
                 SET "Big Girl wants Big Boy know everything about her " =  + 2
                 SET "Big Boy doesn't bother to find out What she Big Girl loves; what she                                   hates;What warms her heart; What's her favourite flower/wine/colour",                            etc...etc ...infinitum" = - 2 ...
              )

Therefore IF X * Y = XY
                           XY = (+1 -1) * (+2 -2)
                           XY = (0) * (0)
                           XY = 0
                           XY = Boy IS JUST NOT that into Girl ...


Who can argue with the math ? 

Inspired to start blogging again

* View from the street just-just before I turn left into my drive way

Though I am no longer up-a-tree I have, lately & again, felt a strong yearning for expression. I also find myself looking at, looking up trees, even photographing some ... all the time with very fond memories.
This ether-space that I've been pulled toward is a far, Far, FAR cry from where I first, amid a few like-minded souls, started out. I miss those days dearly however, like everything else that now exists in the past, it served it very specific purpose.
Consider a concrete jungle crushed & smashed to the ground by a mean ol' giant's fist. That is where I started out. I was lost; I found an unlikely outlet; I rediscovered colour, shapes, textures; I learnt that I actually did have a few creative bones in my body AND I acquired some new, and now life-long, friends.
By allowing the EX-pression I very slow but surely put the pieces back together & built myself back up; It appears 3 times stronger than before.
.Tri