Holiday Humor #002

Posted elsewhere, originally, on Dec 26, 2014 12:47 pm



JUST IN !!!    Two new additions to the periodic table of element

ELEMENT NAME: WOMAN

SYMBOL: WO
ATOMIC WEIGHT: (do not even go there)
PHYSICAL PROPERTIES: 
              - Generally round in form. 
              - Boils at nothing and may freeze at any time. 
              - Melts whenever treated properly. 
              - Very bitter if mishandled.
CHEMICAL PROPERTIES: 
              - Very active. 
              - Highly unstable. 
              - Possesses strong affinity with gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. 
              - Volatile when left alone. 
              - Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. 
              - Turns slightly green when placed next to a shinier specimen.
USAGE: 
              - Highly ornamental. 
              - An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. 
              - Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.
CAUTION: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.


ELEMENT NAME: MAN

SYMBOL: XY
ATOMIC WEIGHT: (180+/-50)
PHYSICAL PROPERTIES: 
              - Solid at room temperature, but gets bent out of shape easily. 
              - Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. 
              - Difficult to find a pure sample. 
              - Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young samples.
CHEMICAL PROPERTIES : 
              - Attempts to bond with WO any chance it can get. 
              - Also tends to form strong bonds with itself. 
              - Becomes explosive when mixed with KD (Element: Child) for prolonged periods of time. 
              - Neutralize by saturating with alcohol.
USAGE: 
              - None known. 
              - Possible good methane source. 
              - Good specimens are able to produce large quantities on command.
CAUTION: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell.