Killing me softly ...

Posted elsewhere, originally, on Dec 24, 2014 12:32 am

Tis Christmas Eve ... And I have one last serious matter before the silly season truly grabs hold of us all.

A very dear friend of mine recently asked the following question during one of his in public awareness & motivational communications on 'Drugs and our Youth': Have we failed this generation? 

My friend's name is Anthony ... 

Anthony has experienced just about all of the different kinds addiction (alcohol, drugs, gambling, sex, etc. ) and its effects & down-the-line impacts, over the course of the past 30 years. He had gone from being a Drug Squad Detective & Company Director to park-bench-bum and ALL-sorts-of-substance abuser. Anthony hit his rock-bottom, and finally woke up to his reality (or lack thereof), after his (too-young) nephew died of a drug overdose. His daughter was born that same day.

Anthony says he received support and love from (what he thought to be) the most unlikely people and places. He cleaned up, finally sticking to his guns, and dedicated his life to extending a helping-hand to folk who find themselves in that same/similar position. At the same time this also strengthened his resolve to stay clean. After approximately 3 yrs of sobriety he founded the "Recovering Addicts Empowering Lives" support groups in the Western Cape and also started facilitating public awareness & motivational talks. Anthony's talks were harsh & brutal (and 'sobering' to affected family members) - with absolutely no sugar-coating. (I believe that this may be the the thing that keeps folk engaged - most people would say that no one had ever spoken to them the way Anthony had)

This particular support group has a holistic approach - focussing on the needs of both the recovering addict as well as their deeply affected loved ones. My family and I are/were one of these affected families. Anthony often, during meetings, shared with the groups that he, after a short while changed his slant by seeing 'being in the public eye' as an 'insurance policy' instead of additional pressure on his sobriety. In a similar way - Positivity, setting & sticking to boundaries are 3 of the integral parts of both the addict as well as their family's 'insurance policies' 

A Safe & Sober Living Farm (to prepare the recovering addict for integration back into the community) was opened, in Worcester's Breede Valley, after a woman offered Anthony the use of a rural property, as is, as a way of 'giving back' to the community AFTER being 'given back her family's lives'. A contract was drawn up giving Anthony the option to, after 5 years, acquire the property at a ridiculously reduced price.

Some of the points Anthony often talked about (questions asked in order to raise awareness & surface the red flags) during my time with the support group & farm which stays, uppermost, in my mind as I raise and guide my daughter at this stage are: 

- Have we allowed our children to dictate terms and conditions of how they want to be raised? 

- Do we teach them table manners?... Have family dinner time ISO quick supper in front of the TV?

- Do we allow our children to disrespect others and not correct them? 

- Have we failed to pass on respect and morals to our children? 

- Do we as families pray together?

- Are they simply 'given' rewards without instilling daily chore routines (helping around the house, or earning it, taught the value of money)

- Are they allowed to just leave things lying aroung for Mom/domestic to pick up? (Lack of responsibility)

- Do we know were they are at all times? who their friends are? 

- Do we check what they do on the computer? 

- Are we afraid to do drug testing when we notice changes in their behaviour? 

- Is it easier to give money and send them to the mall than to spend time with our children?

- Have we enabled them with the latest Laptops, cellphones and name brands because we don't/can't spend the necessary time with them? 

- Have we becoming financial enabling parents due to the rush and pressures of life? 

*insurance policy = the more people who know I'm a recovering addict the less chance there is that I'll think I can fool someone ...

• Do our children look up to us a role models? And are we?

• Have our teenagers become screenagers without us getting involved? (children taking Parents 'hostage' in their own home? )

• Have we LOST a generation to drugs because of our lack of guidance in, and and time for, our greatest investment ????

Yours Always,

.Tri